Nora's Adoption Story
This first picture Josh and I are at the hospital waiting in GREAT EXCITEMENT and NERVOUSNESS for Nora's birth mom to sign her part of the paperwork at the end of the 48 wait.
So...let me explain where this all began, the part that doesn't include pictures. Josh and I knew we wanted to adopt. After much research we chose Christian Homes and Family Services out of Abilene. We attended a two day orientation in April 2013. (Side note: the whole orientation they kept saying God is sovereign in every step of your adoption story. He already knows who He is going to match up with who. This became an anchor of truth for me!) Because a lot of money was involved, Josh wanted us to take our time in submitting all the paper work so we could raise and save as much money as possible. I was not so happy about this but submitted...knowing we had to both be in this thing. Precious friends threw a fundraiser at our church for this adoption and we had an anonymous giver contribute as well that allowed us to move forward a little quicker. We submitted our papers and were 'approved' mid October. We were told the average wait was 18 months from this point forward. This sounded like an eternity to us! But ok....the 'real' wait began(because we felt like we were already waiting during the six months it took us to do paperwork).
This is what God was doing in me at the time: God was so at work stripping away my plans, my facade of control and growing my faith. I knew God had laid this on our hearts. I knew He had led us to Christian Homes. Our story is a little different because we already have Levi, who is biological. And as far as we know can have more biological kids. One of Christian Homes' policies is that if you become pregnant in the adoption process, they put it on hold until after delivery. So...I was also on birth control during all of this process. I know that means I can't relate to the struggle of infertility and all the struggles that go with that. But I felt like I was inflicting on myself the struggle of waiting. I doubted. Friends and family would ask if maybe I should try and get pregnant again and pursue adoption later. But...over and over again I felt God confirming us to go forward. Be obedient to His calling. No matter how long the wait would be. I told my brother-in-law at one point that I felt that if I got off birth control and tried to get pregnant I would be walking in disobedience. This is how strongly I felt that this is what path God had chosen for us. On top of all that, I also battled guilt. Most of the couples in our agency pursuing adoption can't have biological kids. And here we were trying to adopt. Over and over again Josh had to remind me that this was the calling He had placed on us. And He led us to Christian Homes. I still pray that all those sweet couples still waiting bring a baby into their home soon!
During the paperwork stage and waiting stage I had gone through Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study and Ann Voscamp's 1000 Gifts devotional. I am confident that God specifically placed these two studies in my life at this exact time. He challenged my faith in Him and called me over and over again to continue stepping out into the unknown...the terrifying. Also He challenged me to find joy in the waiting...in the now. Even though my heart yearned for another child...He said wait and trust Him. Even though our wait was not near as long as I thought it would be, you never forget you are trying to adopt. You never forget you are waiting. You never forget you have a son or daughter that will be yours some day. There is an ache that doesn't go away. Adoption was ALWAYS on my mind!! I daily had to cry out to the Lord for patience, greater faith, and joy in the waiting. This season, small as it may seem, gives me so much of a greater empathy for those of you who are still in a waiting season. It is so very difficult! His grace is sufficient in our greatest weaknesses, but it doesn't make it easy.
Ok....moving on to 'the call.' On November 18, 2013 I was out walking and received a call from our case worker. She told us a birth mom had chosen us, but she would wait until the next day to tell us anything else. I was on the side of the road screaming/crying in excitement!! The next morning she called back and told both Josh and I all the information they had collected on the birth mom and birth dad. Part of that info included some drug use during the pregnancy. We had 24 hours to pray and discuss and then move forward or back out. I kept asking God to either open or shut. Make it so clear that even I could discern what we should do. After much prayer and research as to what we might be dealing with....we decided to move forward. We would walk forward unless He shut the door. We met with Nora's birth mom the following Monday to see if we all felt like this was a good fit. I was so nervous!! Would she like us? Would I talk her ear off and irritate her? What do I say? How do I give her the respect she deserves as the birth mom but still express my love for her child? Questions were racing through my mind as we drove to Abilene. Once we arrive, Becca gave us a run down of what it would look like. Then Nora's birth mom arrived. She was beautiful, tiny, sweet and shy. We began small talk which led to heavier topics that Becca facilitated. I told her that this adoption was completely her decision. I never wanted her to feel pressured into it. This was her decision! I told her that no matter what obsticals we might be faced with due to the drug use that we fully loved Nora already and would care for her in every way. I told her that my heart hurt for her because of the situation she was in but in no way do I stand in judgement of her. The point is, every single thing that I felt burdened to say in that one meeting, God brought to my mind and spoke it. We finished our meeting. Nora's birth mom left. Peace washed over me. I looked at Josh and told him 'God is working here. I don't have to worry.' I didn't know what the end would look like, but without a doubt God was working in mighty ways.
Nora's birth mom was scheduled for a c-section on Dec. 12th. Basically we would just wait until we received the call that Nora was being born. On December 4th....a day I will never forget....I was sitting on the couch and received a call from Becca. She said "Are you ready? Nora's birth mom started going into labor and is having a c-section in an hour!" I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing! I began racing around the house like a mad-man packing my bags, Levi's bags, making phone calls to drop him off somewhere. I picked Josh up from work and we left. This was the beginning of the LONGEST 48 HOURS of my life!! We go straight to the hospital and wait in the cafeteria. Nora's birth mom's mom was there and did not want to see us and was not supportive of the adoption. She wanted Nora to stay in the family. She knew Nora's birth mom wasn't going to care for Nora, she wasn't going to care for her, a possible distant relative in North Carolina(I think) was going to care for her. Anyway, Nora's birth mom did not want that! While we waited in the cafeteria, two very sweet, Christian ladies came up to us and said they had been involved in Nora's birth mom's life for the past four years through an organization called Young Lives. I rejoiced and continue to rojoice knowing that they love her and are continuing to pour into her! We then were told Nora's birth mom was ready for us. We walked into the room and she handed me the most beautiful, healthy and precious baby girl I had ever seen! We basically sat in the same room with Nora, Nora's birth mom and her close friend off and on for the next day and a half. We talked. It was good! We picked the name Nora Louise(after my mom and pa) Teel. Nora's birth mom requested the name Jessie(her good friend who was with her the whole time at the hospital) to be in Nora's name. We all decided on Nora Jessie Louise Teel. That is what her birth mom wrote on her birth certificate. They also explained the complexities of their life style and the difficulties they faced. My heart broke for them. I wanted something so much better for them. Something that can only be found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Hope. Joy. Freedom. Grace. True love. Please join me in praying these things for her and her friend.
You may be wondering where the birth dad fits in here. He knew Nora had been conceived. Nora's birth mom had tried reaching out to him several times. The last she heard from him was that he was ok with the adoption but wanted to be involved. That was two months prior to Nora's birth. Not much had been heard of him from that point. We were just going to proceed forward. Well, after Nora's birth, Nora's birth mom's mom, in a last effort to stop the adoption, contacted the birth father and told him her version of what was going on. He said he did not want the adoption to go through and would come forward. Becca, thank goodness for her once again, talked with him and shared what was really going on and what Nora's birth mom wanted for this child. He completely changed his mind and signed over his parental rights that day! Once again, God was at work.
Now for the last, hardest day. Becca told us Nora's birth mom did not want to see us that day. She was having a hard time. We were to sign papers at 3:00 and she wanted the day to herself with Nora. I kept thinking...ok Lord. Would you bring us this far just to turn back empty handed? I was terrified, yet I knew that Nora's birth mom was going to have to do the hardest thing in the world! Christ and His never ending love and goodness was my anchor no matter the outcome. We arrived at the hospital. Becca arrived and said she would get Nora's birth mom to sign and then come down and get us. She was gone FOREVER!! Probably an hour and half. Felt like an eternity!! She finally returned and said it was done. Part of the weight began to lift. We signed....and I knew in paper Nora was ours. But it wasn't over. Becca said get ready. This is the hardest part. Nora's birth mom has to hand Nora over to you and say good-bye. We entered the room. Everyone was happy. We took pictures and did more paperwork. And then....tears. She began to cry. I cried. We all circled up and Becca prayed over us all. She clung to Nora, crying over her. I told her that I knew that she loved Nora so much and that Nora would always know that. It was so so so hard! Becca said "ok. It's time. Do you want to hand Nora to Anja?" We just bawled. The pain in that moment was so great. She hugged Nora tightly one last time and then handed her to me. She then fell into a heap on the bed crying. I knew this was her decision. I knew this was what she wanted for Nora. But oh. It was so hard. We said our good-byes and left. We waited in a seperate room for the nurse to discharge Nora while I calmed down. Becca told me "Anja. I couldn't do this job if the girls didn't move past this moment. She'll be ok. She won't regret it." That sadness with thick, but joy began to rise. We had a daughter. She was now ours. It was not until then, when Nora was being discharged that the nurse told us that drugs had shown up in Nora's blood when she was born. I felt like God waited for that very moment for us to find that out to bring me a little more peace that this was Him at work and this was good.
Unexpectedly, a few weeks later Nora's birth mom reached out to us and told us she still missed Nora a lot but seeing pictures of Nora with us just confirmed that she made the right decision. Once again, grace. It was so good to hear after the very sad good-bye we had at the hospital.
Josh signing the papers!
These pictures are a bit out of order, but this is after all the paperwork has been signed, good-byes said, many many many tears shed, and Nora is being discharged by a nurse. This moment....this moment I said "Hello baby girl. I'm your momma." It was OFFICIAL! I cannot even begin to sum up the emotions I was feeling at this moment.
This is Becca Gonzalez. She works directly with the birth moms at Christian Homes. Once we were chosen by Nora's birth mom, we worked directly with Becca. She was by our side every single step of the way. She is truly gifted in what she does. She loves on the birth moms that come into their program but also speaks the truth plainly. She walked us through the whole process with such kindness and grace. We cannot thank Becca enough!!
Walking out with our baby girl!!! This is actually a funny moment. When we were in Abilene for the 48 hour wait, it was crazy cold and icey! The wait felt unbearable at times. We are finally....FINALLY going home with our new daughter and the car won't start. We are stuck at the hospital trying to get the car going. Quite funny. Thankfully Josh was able to get it going after a while and we headed back to the hotel for the night.
Nora Jessie Louise Teel is all ready to leave the hospital!
This moment. The wait was over. The fear gone. Tears done. We were in the hotel room celebrating and rejoicing like never before as we held and snuggled our little girl!
So I barely slept the two nights previous because of such high emotions, expectation, fear and so on. Then we get to bring this sweet girl home and start caring for a new born exhausted. Worth every bit of it!
At the hospital holding Nora for the first time. I. was. hooked! This is when it became very very real. I knew God was in this. He had a plan. A good plan. But I didn't know if we would be taking this sweet girl home as our daughter or not at this moment. Her birth mom had to spend 48 hours with her and then say goodbye. I knew that would be hard. SO. HARD! I was scared out of my mind!!! I loved this sweet little girl so so much already and He might not have her for us. I had no say. Josh and I literally had to sit back and wait. We had no power. God was at work and we had to trust Him! I would wake at night or in the morning in sheer panic. Josh and I prayed and prayed and prayed for God's good and perfect will be done...no matter what that was. And to protect our hearts in whatever happened. A few weeks prior to being chosen, I feel God led me to finally write down some verses on fear so I could have them at hand when needed. These verses were my life line through these 48 hours:
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my Rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God my Rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my Rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty Rock, my refuge is God." Psalm 62: 5-7
"Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you...Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:5b, 9
"And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." Matthew 7:25
"I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." Psalm 73:28b
I have never experienced a flood of peace wash over me like I did as I prayed and read these verses. I would go from "I can't do this! This is too much for me!" to "Ok God. I trust You. Let's do this." The power of His Spirit....wow!
Levi loving on Nora for the first time. Love love love!
So thankful for sweet and precious friends willing to care for Levi for three days, very spur of the moment, while we were gone in Abilene. It was so hard being away from him for three days, but I knew he was in good hands.
This may be Nora's adoption story...but a better title might be Nora's Adoption-A Display of God's Power and Grace
